Sam – Demon Ducks

July 30, 2008 at 7:23 am Leave a comment

 Gotta vent just a bit about the ducks in my neighborhood.  No, it’s not one of those rants about how much mess they make and how they should be shot and eliminated one by one.  My rant is about how nasty and mean spirited these guys (and gals) have become recently.

Having a pond in the backyard, it’s not rare to have ducks waddle up for a little snack and then go on their way.  However in the past week I think my house has become duckfeed central and the webbed footed are getting a little pissy about my lack of constant duck centered enthusiasm.

Case in point: I was flipping bread to just a couple ducks every couple days.  The majority of the neighborhood moochers had found a gullible lady in the front of the subdivision to provide them enough treats so that they never left her house.  Every time I passed her house there were a dozen ducks standing, sitting and generally loitering on her lawn.  I assume they were waiting for feeding time…oh well.

Well a couple weeks later this pack of waddling miscreants moseys by my house.  I know ducks come in “flocks”, but these guys walk a lot and just throw off that “we’re a pack” vibe. 

Seeing them in my backyard I did the animal loving thing and fed them some bread.  Wow…I got to feed all of them, not just a couple.  We all parted ways until the next day when they were all back for food.  How did I know their reason?  These fearless guys are up on my patio quacking at the back door.  Part of me thought it was cute but the other part of me told me to watch out for these webbed devils.

This mass feeding went on a few days and it was all good: they would eat out of our hands, off of our feet, you could occasionally pet one…yep man and beast existing in harmony.

Then it happened…I was alone on the patio with the laptop and some wine and iPod, just enjoying the sunset.  And here they come.  Actually they were on the other side of the pond and when they saw me they all flew over as fast as they could…except Whitey.  That’s the name Jack and I have given the lone white duck.  All the ducks are these medium sized typical pond ducks: brown and grey and black.  Then there’s Whitey…he’s your basic tall, white, tame, abandoned by the owner duck.  I remember when I first saw him a year ago I assumed he’d be a short timer before the elements (or the rest of the pack) got to him.  Not so, and at times he seems to act like Alpha duck…the numero uno in the pecking order(so to speak). 

So they fly over and Whitey takes the long walk around the pond.  When they all get here I decide to treat them to bread.  I was ripping and tearing and spreading the love.  Everyone was eating…some more than others as the mean leaders are always chasing a duck or two away.  I haven’t yet figured out this behavior.  

It’s going along nicely when I see Whitey lunge at me and grab bread from my other hand.  I pull up, tell him to back off and then I resume…and he comes after me again.  Now I’m thinking he’s either starving, thinks he DESERVES this bread or is in fact pack leader and has to show the minions how he rolls.  Either way I’m having none of it and keep shooing him away and ignoring him.  That’s when he just lost it…coming after my bread hand, my other hand holding spare bread, the bag by my chair with more bread…and he was throwing that bill around and popping all the minions on  the heads to clear his space.

I couldn’t believe this.  I grabbed the camera phone and started shooting pictures.  You can view the shocking attack in the photo albums…I kept it all in chronological order so you can see Whitey losing it.

Forget this…I took the rest of my bread and went inside.  They hung around about 30 more minutes, I guess hoping I would think they were a different pack of friendly ducks just looking for some bread…HA, how dumb did I look to them.

I have since vowed to take some time apart from the pack and allow them the same.  They were in my yard this afternoon again…Whitey and the gang.  It’s like having stalkers…I open the blinds and a dozen of them are staring back at me.  I ignored them and they could see me ignoring them.  The result…and remember these guys are ruthless…was about a dozen little piles of duck poop around my patio.  It was as if they were trying to teach me a lesson: feed us or else. “Hey boys he’s ignoring us…give him the treatment” (affirmative quacks all around). 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