A Bad Day (jodi)

March 18, 2008 at 8:11 pm 1 comment

Today – for no apparent reason, I was near tears – for a big part of the day.  And I did cry a few times. 

All my life I’ve heard about people feeling depressed – because of a chemical imbalance – and not truly knowing why.  I hate it.  I never want to feel this way again.  And yet – I feel like it might be lerking there just below the surface. 

I know we all carry things – we are all ‘walking wounded”.  And if we have suppressed them, they do rise up.  On that you can depend. 

So here I sit – blogging to just let it go, get if off of my chest.  Hoping it will help.  In reality, I have nothing to be sad about.  So, the fact that I felt this way today makes me mad.  This is my life.  I don’t have time for this stuff.  But – is that me supressing it? 

Days like this – I go back to my motto.  Dig In.  Tomorrow  I will start over, and dig in – all over again.  Hopefully without any tears.

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Entry filed under: Jodi.

Amused at the Airport Emilie: Growing Up

1 Comment Add your own

  • 1. catsmeowjw  |  March 18, 2008 at 10:03 pm

    It’s OK, Jodi. As someone with that chemical imbalance, I’ve become well aware of depression’s annoying comings and goings. You are right that it’s maddening. However, the worst thing you can do to yourself is get mad at yourself.

    It’s actually a time to treat yourself the way you would treat a friend, rather than beating yourself up. By digging in, I hope you mean just moving forward, fakin’ it til you make it, and realizing that, “this, too, shall pass.” Because, it does. Thankfully.

    Unless the depression is hormone related, even if it’s a “chemical” thing, your sadness can give you a hint that something is going on and needs to be explored. Check out the possibility of unmet expectations, dreams or goals. Think about the possibility of sadness at the inevitability of change, when not all change is good. Actually, there are many potential things to look at. You know you best … so give yourself a chance to explore it.

    (Ironically, many of us who suffer from frequent bouts of “unexplained, chemical” depression find that we grow a lot during that time … we come out stronger, wiser and better because we made it through “another one.” Hopefully, you’ll stay a newbie at the depression thing!)

    Bottom line, you’re normal!!

    Reply

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